6th Week... Leavin'

The firstborn stubborn & smart one .... Darlie










The one with an air pocket in the right cheek... Bubble aka Cow










One of my fav..... Hebe










The fattest, whiniest one.... Mocha aka Cindy aka Chubby










A little slow, but really cute... Ah Wang










Quiet and sweet... Milo aka Cancan2













The youngest but most agile and cheeky one.... Monkey









This is the 6th week, also the one and a half month mark where the pups will go... Today's Tuesday, the time I sit writing now is 6.05am, in about 2 hours' time, Bubble and Mocha will be brought away by my dad to two of his friends. They're pious people who do have experience with mongrels, so I really hope they'll be happy there. I'm really tired, sat here the whole night with Cancan and mostly, the 2 of them. Washed them clean, and they would be going with the stuff bought for them. A toy and a packet of kibble each... Will they remember us, and my family and Cancan? And of this small cramped place that's forever so noisy and dirty with endless streams of visitors coming to see them? Will they miss us, I wonder... I sure would, I fucking sure would..... Time to make some farewell milk~

5th week

Mixed feelings... 7 dwarves have finally evolved into 7 wolves, ever hungry ever alert, ever pounding on big feet that come their way. I do sometimes wish they would all go as soon as possible. Cancan is obviously having it as jialat as me, her nipples and area round it are red and swollen from the pups' teeth and nails, looks so painful. Everytime she goes back to feed them, they mob her like zombies on walking fresh meat in Resident Evil type movies... Sigh..... I feed them those grandma cream crackers and animal milk formula. Hope its enough.

I'm having problems teaching them what I would have hoped to teach them. Sit. Not accomplished. Wait quietly for food. Hardly ever done. Keep quiet. Daunting task. While it's excusable to say its difficult to handle 7 lively pups, but really... I could and should have done so much more for them. And yet sometimes, I inevitably vent my anger or frustration on them. Nearly dislocated Darlie's jaw few days ago when I pushed him away from the door too hard. He fell over and knocked on the floor real hard. That was when I felt so much remorse. It only serves to reinforce my earlier beliefs: I'm not cut out to take good care of them. Why think whether the adopters can give them quality care when I myself have failed at that? At least, they'll get the food and care and attention they need, I hope.

The nights are sometimes worse. For the first time in my life, I'm actually experiencing insomnia. Lie on the bed, and I would be all awake anticipating possible barkings from Cancan or the pups, and then go attend to them. I'm tired, sick, worn out, drained yet... there's this nagging bit inside me that refuses to let go. I wish so much the pups could tell me if they're happy here with me, this poor boy who hardly ever feeds them enough, keep their areas clean enough. But I'm trying, I really am....

4th Week.. almost the end...

Today is 19th August 2005. In two days, the puppies shall be one month old. I guess they really can't stay with me forever...

Thinking of buying a chew toy for each one of them, and maybe cooking something nice for the puppies.

Most, if not all of them, have seemingly grown teeth. Able to eat rice and lap up milk from CanCan's bowl. And boy, is she ultra pissed about it. Hope she manages to teach the pups as much as possible. The pups are getting physically stronger and more well-coordinated. They no longer hobble around me but run circles, playing catching with my feet and occasionally attempting to chew on my toes.

Officially, I think about 6 or 7 of them have been confirmed places with people who would like to adopt already. Nobody seems to like Cow. I like him alot actually. He's the only rascal who always greets me with furious wagging of his short fat tail.

If everything is smooth, in 2 more weeks, just 2 more weeks and CanCan & I, my whole family would have to part with the pups... They'd probably be better off with people who care for and could provide more for them anyway. Who the hell, who the fuck would remember this dingy place, this cramped balcony to share with 7 siblings, this telephone table where they were excreted, this stupid short fat boy who knew nuts about puppy care... I hope CanCan wouldn't cry. I've heard that dogs cry, and I hope I won't see it...

If you leave me now, you take away the biggest part of me

Yesterday was a Sunday, was down at Pet Mover's Pet Farm at Pasir Ris along with 4 of my pups. Was there to see if there were potential adopters. Unfortunately or not, I dunno, there were two families who were really keen to adopt a pup. Problem is: they wanted the same one. Fuck.... nothing ever works smoothly I see... The first family even hoped to bring the pup away that very moment.
It was precisely at that moment everything hit me. I realised just how much I love these 7 dwarves. These 3 weeks plus of midnight wailing, shitting and peeing all over the place were incomparable to that kinda loss and sour ache when I heard the words "we would like to bring it home today". I remembered going dizzy for like 2seconds, and then stared down at the little one cuddled in my arms. I wish I could keep you all here with me and Cancan. I'll miss you acting ferocious, and hobbling around my legs...
There are really so many things in life you simply can't control, even if you tried really hard. They may directly influence you, even be part of you, yet you could still be powerless to stop or change any of these. Just like the pangs and moisture I felt in my eyes as I drove all of them home that evening, sleeping quietly in the aircon car...... At least I have a few more weeks or days with them left...

Puppies for Adoption

CanCan had given birth to 7 puppies on 21st July 2005, so I now have 7 terrors running amok. They will be close to a month now. I reside in Singapore, so if any locals are interested in adopting one, or insanely contemplating ALL 7, do contact me! I'm seriously looking for sincere people to adopt them, though S.Y. was right: I secretly wish to horde them all. Please please come adopt them soon, before I can't bear to let go...

The Third Week

They are living terrors now... eyes and ears have all fully opened. They are currently learning to walk. They are able to whine and yelp a bit. Spatial and visual judgement is still developing. Their limbs are still weak, unable to stand for more than a minute. Chubby Cindy can't quite even stand, body too heavy I guess.

They pee and shit whenever wherever. CanCan licks most of them up, I help out occasionally too. Poor thing. We have begun watching and thinking of suitable names for them. Black one is possibly called Darlie, while Cindy is probably gonna be named something else. Cow is like... cow, still. Oh, Cow's air bubble in the cheek has been taken care of by CanCan. On the road to recovery now~ Hopefully...

Just woke up from a really long and lost dream. In it, I seemingly lost something and kept running after it but it never stopped. And I cried. The tears tasted salty on my lips. Then I got up and left in the other direction...Don't pity me, I'm not the victim, I'm the perpetrator... So many of you I've deliberately lost, I don't wanna remember anymore. Your face, your smell, your laughter shall never be remembered again. Let go, let me go.

2nd Week of dwarf action

2nd week now.... Haven't opened their eyes completely yet. Cow and the youngest one seem to have little slits opened already. They whine and yelp a bit. Movements are still minimal, they hide in their nest of the time still. They can move around abit by crawling on all fours, dragging their little bellies along the floor...