An Apology Letter

Dear Madam

While this may sound absolutely ridiculous and hilarious to you that I should be the one penning this letter, I wish to inform you that the contents of this letter is of utmost importance and the tone serious.

I am writing on behalf of my butler/manager, Mr. KT. Right now, as I hang here laboriously writing this, he is sipping coffee and listening to Jamie Cullum, planning recipes for a certain mutual acquantance, Mr. B. However, he has specifically beseeched me to assist him in this endeavour. He wishes to express his heartfelt apology for the recent upsetting events that had transpired over these few days. He wishes to acknowledge his mistakes and folly. Personally, I think he is indeed a rather dense ass and makes the most confusing statements and suggestions at times. I will personally poodlely ensure I kick him when he begins to start his nonsense again. As an almost qualified counsellor, my assessment is that he can be dense and over assuming at times. However, I think he does sincerely want to correct that and make things better for you with every inch of his short yellow fur.

In addition, I wish to add that that dense ass is rather hopeless, hopelessly infatuated with you. When I spoke to him, he was rather shy about voicing the fact that time is insignificant with regards to how he feels towards you. Today still feels the same as the very first day. On one of my visits over at friends' places, I saw this interesting fridge magnet that says a marriage is a union of two forgiving people. I have always found it true and believe fervently in it. I know my butler believes in it too and is grateful that the one he loves extends that very same sentiment towards him. I have personally spoke to him about he talks and thinks, and that he should ask things more.

It is perfectly reasonable you may still have reservations about this but I, on his yellow behalf, wish to beseech you to try him out a little more and search within yourself for an answer for yourself whether you feel, and want to be with this bumbling lumbering entity. At the end of the day, though he whines a lot, gets teary easily and begs, I know for certain that he sincerely hopes the best for you too and that, as childishly worded as it may seem to you, you are happy. I get frustrated with him quite a lot too but I keep him around mainly because I operate on a tight budget and these days, it is rather difficult to employ a butler and a so-so cook all for the price of one. So do consider this warehouse clearance sale bargain. He's not exactly a gem but I know he would like to be one to you, so do consider.

With the above, I end my letter and thank you for your time to read this. I am not exactly very free myself to write this and probably would not have done it if he had not promised me exclusive smelling to pumpkin soup and fried carrot cake.


Yours Faithfully
The Rhos
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