Uncovering the recovered discovery of the covered letter from Flips to Santa

Dear Mr Claus,

Firstly, I would like to congratulate your strong presence and iconic status prevalent for christmas all these years. I think it is greatly admirable of you to step out of the comforts of a warm home into the cold and deliver presents to the children. Take it from me, I know what it must feel like to be in the brrr-ing cold.

However, a matter rather ironic has come to my attention, which I thought you should be alerted to: the fact that even though you and the mighty elves (not the LOTR types I hope) churn out toys and presents to kids, manufacturers are churning out toys in your image and selling them off as presents. From a moral point of view, I personally feel that that it is infuriating and does not do you justice, even if they do somehow pay you some sort of royalty. I greatly feel for you that you seem to have been taken advantage of. Again, you can take it from me that I personally empathize ever since the showing of "Happy Feet". I mean, the penguins inside do not even look half as good as me. Perhaps, in my recent busy endeavour, I had not been noticed as much and producers have sadly missed out on a great model for their depiction of majestic penguins.

That also brings us back to the main issue that I am writing to you on. I know that the elves and you must be busy preparing right now as we speak, so this proposal might seem difficult to implement. I sincerely present to you: Pooh, my faithful sidekick. My recent marketing proposals and attempts to work with some manufacturers have humbly gathered some income for my war effort, I mean my ideals in life. However, I feel that my sidekick is too cute and bubbly to not show the entire world. Therefore, my proposal is that, instead of making outdated tin soldiers and dolls, you guys can perhaps start making toys and usable items with Pooh's image. Already, as we speak, there are many pirated weird productions from a country which deems itself to be the centre of the world (in more aspects than one). There are mugs, cushions and even pens etc. With our combined efforts, we could help make the world a brighter and more cheerful place by letting our dear children have something stamped with Pooh's image.

To this point, I totally understand if you think I am just another businessman making you a business proposal for profits. No, it is not my intention to make a profit. I only feel that children might feel happier to have something with Pooh on it, as he sometimes tries to cheer me up when I'm down and he is, statistically, qualitatively proven, to be rather dpendable for being there, even though he's not always useful.

Do consider my suggestion, and google online for a reference on how Pooh looks like. Help make this christmas a chirpy poohie one! Remember, you do not have to pay me royalties for using Pooh's image at all. However, you could drop me a little thank you gift this christmas at my zoo enclosure, but I do not have a chimney. I would appreciate a non-pooh item however as I already have my own. If you do a google on my past wishlist, you would also see that the color scheme miight be rather clashing to print Pooh on warheads and missiles. Besides, you would have to ring me in advance before dropping my gift down the chimney, as they do not quite land with a soft thud and cleaning up might prove a tad tedious, and that would sadly deprive me of the christmas surprise element.


p.s.: do not tell Pooh about it, as he thinks I'm trying to make a quick buck out of him which I actually am not but am too embarrassed to tell him.


p.s. 2: to end on a lighthearted note, what kind of bread do elves make? Shortbread. This is meant as light humour and in no way intended to be cruel to certain familiar favourite shorties...

From:

Flips the Great
Magnificent, Resplendent, Cool Blue, and bulk purchaser of hair gel
(Office temporarily moved from the Kremlin to the zoo)